Day Zero – Beijing

Big day racing around Beijing, doing last-minute errands. Finish packing around 11pm. Our stuff: three big cheap stripey bags, one zip already broken, crammed full of our otherwise expensive-looking and numerous panniers and miscellany. We have lots of sensible cycling gear, sensible outdoor gear, and some good silly for-the-camera gear: 2x Star Trek: New Generation sunglasses, 2x gay disco welding visors, 2x spandex unitards (skeleton and leopard-print). Also: two cardboard bikes boxes, crammed with brand-new UCC cycles (anyone heard of UCC? We haven’t), purchased in Beijing yesterday from a lovely young woman called Heaven, and this dude called Rhino who couldn’t speak a word of English, but seemed to know what he was gesticulating about. The bikes were the only steel-framed ones we could find in Beijing, and should be sturdy enough for the mission – the only concern so far is the ad hoc panier racks, which are a sight to behold: an aluminium bike rack sitting on top of a steel one, extra pedals sandwiched in between, the whole mess held together with a bunch of wire. Hmmm.

Me and Tama were having trouble flagging down a taxi with these boxes, so we ended up carrying them all the way back to the hutong (a kilometre or so), sweating like mad beasts, getting stared at by locals with a mixture of incredulity and glee. Go to sleep at midnight, Tama is out like a light, and within a few minutes he is snoring. I forgot Tama snored – well, not really snored, more these long steady puffs, like a child pretending to snore. We are going to be spending the next 30 days in very close proximity, so you (and I) should expect to hear plenty more about this phenomenon.

About Doiggus Khan

Tom Doig is a writer, performer, editor and moron. Tom has been published in The Big Issue, Maxim and Voiceworks. His plays include "Survival of the Prettiest", "Hitlerhoff" and "Selling Ice to the Remains of the Eskimos". He has an MA in Hitler Comedy and is currently writing a PhD about climate change. "Mörön to Mörön: two men, two bikes, one Mongolian misadventure" is Tom's first book.
This entry was posted in Beer, China, Cycling, Dirty Scamming Beasts, Drunk, Eurotrash, Explosive Diarrhea, Friendly Locals, Kind of like The Wire, Monopolising Free Hostel Internet, Peasants, Shonky, Stupid Tourists, Taxi Hell, Terrific Crap Trinkets, Travel, Unitard, Unnecessary Feats of Stength. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Day Zero – Beijing

  1. I fucking love you Doig.
    I love you, I really do.
    This is great!

  2. Pingback: Mission Statement | Mörön 2 МӨРӨН

  3. Juliette Roberts says:

    Can t wait to read on. I read the article in the inspirational magazine “habitat”, A mad Mongolian road trip.

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